What a week this has been. I can't tell you where the days have gone but I know it is Friday and hopefully everything will slow down.
Janeen came home on Wednesday evening and I got her settled in at her house. We had about an hour and a half before Jack arrived with my sister and her husband with flowers, valentines, cupcakes and cookies Jack had made: it was bedlam but Jack was so excited. Excited to see mommy and excited to show us all he had made. It was a late night before I got him to bed, and Janeen's and my new living arrangement began. I had her put her blow up bed in Jack's room for me so as not to disturb her when we were up but she got up anyway. Needless to say, Janeen is at her house taking care of herself and I am at my house taking care of Jack who came down with a 102.4 fever yesterday. Need to keep them apart. So I'll be going back and forth between the two houses until Jack gets well.
Janeen is in pain of course but is handling it as best she can without any help. I will have my sister watch Jack tonight and I will go take care of Janeen. Get her cleaned up etc., she will feel better and I'm sure not feel so isolated. Bring her home then I leave her, what else can I do? I'll spend some quiet time with her and hopefully she will put a smile on that pretty little face of hers.
I'm sure Janeen will start posting in a few days and let you all know what she has and is still going through. Until then, we're doing OK and we hope all of you are healthy and avoiding that bug that has now caught up with us.
More at a later date..................................................Barb
Friday, February 17, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
She Did It Again
It has now been 24 hours since Janeen's last post. Once again we are watching TV at Serenity House where she is recovering from her 8 hour surgery today. ALL WENT WELL!!!!!! She is doing great, walking the halls, eating dinner and reading catalogs. She has no recollection of this morning nor of her transfer from the surgical center but that is a good thing.
I need to clarify something Janeen wrote last night. Regarding her nipple construction she stated they would shrink upwards of 80% and therefore they would be made the size of her doctor's thumb. This would not be a good look and this DID NOT happen. This is very interesting for those of you that like technicality. Dr. Orringer took the skin that was placed or grafted onto her breast in the last surgery and pulled it and twisted the center, then inserted a pigs intestine partical and wrapped her skin around it and stitched it up. Nice pink nipples with big black stitches. They're so cute. So no floppy thumbs hanging off her new boobies. All of this totally amazes me.
He reduced the size of her right breast, so basically she has a breast reduction on the right side. Her left breast was pulled over towards her cleavage and contoured to match the right side. He removed major scar tissue that had formed around the left breast as well as scar tissue that had formed as a result of her previous surgery on her abdominal scar and smoothed out her sides where her original incision continues around her hips. She is wearing quite the get up. A black girdle with suspenders, then a bra with the nipple area cute out and rubber rings around her nipples to protect them from disappearing. She is a sight to behold and she is gorgeous to me and Dr. Orringer. She has handled this surgery so well so far. Every place he used the cannula she is weeping body fluids and this is very messy. He left them open so she could drain and this causes lots of clothing changes as well as bedding. I'm going to have to improvise once we come home. She is delightful now but a bit bitchy when we left the surgical center. She needed to calm down, it was diffinately time for medication.
The surgical center and Serenity House have been fantastic. My girl is doing fine but I've had a very long day so I need to get to bed. Looks like we will come home tomorrow and reunite with Baby Jack. He is having a blast with my sister and her husband. We miss him and his hugs.
Janeen has been blessed once again. The light of God has surrounded her all day and He has held me up. Today is a Valentine's Day that I will never forget.
Good night!
Barb
I need to clarify something Janeen wrote last night. Regarding her nipple construction she stated they would shrink upwards of 80% and therefore they would be made the size of her doctor's thumb. This would not be a good look and this DID NOT happen. This is very interesting for those of you that like technicality. Dr. Orringer took the skin that was placed or grafted onto her breast in the last surgery and pulled it and twisted the center, then inserted a pigs intestine partical and wrapped her skin around it and stitched it up. Nice pink nipples with big black stitches. They're so cute. So no floppy thumbs hanging off her new boobies. All of this totally amazes me.
He reduced the size of her right breast, so basically she has a breast reduction on the right side. Her left breast was pulled over towards her cleavage and contoured to match the right side. He removed major scar tissue that had formed around the left breast as well as scar tissue that had formed as a result of her previous surgery on her abdominal scar and smoothed out her sides where her original incision continues around her hips. She is wearing quite the get up. A black girdle with suspenders, then a bra with the nipple area cute out and rubber rings around her nipples to protect them from disappearing. She is a sight to behold and she is gorgeous to me and Dr. Orringer. She has handled this surgery so well so far. Every place he used the cannula she is weeping body fluids and this is very messy. He left them open so she could drain and this causes lots of clothing changes as well as bedding. I'm going to have to improvise once we come home. She is delightful now but a bit bitchy when we left the surgical center. She needed to calm down, it was diffinately time for medication.
The surgical center and Serenity House have been fantastic. My girl is doing fine but I've had a very long day so I need to get to bed. Looks like we will come home tomorrow and reunite with Baby Jack. He is having a blast with my sister and her husband. We miss him and his hugs.
Janeen has been blessed once again. The light of God has surrounded her all day and He has held me up. Today is a Valentine's Day that I will never forget.
Good night!
Barb
Monday, February 13, 2012
The Night Before...
I'm sitting here tonight at Serenity House awaiting my second reconstructive surgery tomorrow morning. Can't believe I'm back here already. Just 5 months from my last visit. I am beyond exhausted. I look terrible; have blood shot eyes. I've been anxiously awaiting this second procedure. I have had many sleepless nights. I have never handled stress very well but now that I am a single parent, I think it gets worse. I actually have been so anxiety ridden that my face is broken out, I have been sick to my stomach, my teeth hurt, nails chipping; sweet huh?
This month I also had to return to my gynecologist for another CA-125 and yet another ultrasound. The ultrasound showed something so my doctor asked me to return two days later for a hysteroscopy (knowing my second breast surgery was just days away). So Friday I went it and he confirmed that I now have endometrial polyps. This has nothing to do with my current situation but they need to be removed, so I will be doing this next. The ultrasound showed very nice, healthy looking ovaries with follicles so I just bought myself another 6 months before I have to have the hysterectomy discussion again. Once again I have been living with doctor appointments; so many lately.
I'm thrilled my mom got to get away to Hawaii for some much needed R&R because I think I will really need more help this time as I have no hospital stay, just Serenity for a few days, then home. I hate being away from Jack and my puggies, but I know they're fine and I will see them soon.
I was told tomorrow will be a 6 hour surgery, then got confirmation today that it's scheduled to be 8 hours. I won't know the difference but mom will. I haven't talked to anybody really so this may be the first you're reading about this second surgery date. Sorry folks...just haven't felt like talking.
Tomorrow I will be getting my nipples. How Dr. Orringer is going to accomplish this I still have no idea. Also my right breast is noticeably larger so this breast has to be cut underneath and tissue removed so that it matches the smaller left breast. Then I will be getting liposuction to tailor my new skin shirt that I spoke about previously. My torso was pulled so tight that I bulge out on the sides. I also have walnut size scar tissue forming on my abdominal scar that I asked Dr. Orringer to remove. He said there is no way he is opening up that scar again to remove scar tissue. So I guess I live with walnuts. I have to break them up myself, but it feels very thick and gross. I'm still quite numb from the September surgery so I'm not sure what my pain level will be, but I will wake up in these beautiful undergarments with donuts over my new nipples. He already warned me that when I wake up I will probably be shocked when I see what I look like. My nipples will be the size of his thumb and full of stitches. Man made nipples shrink 80% so they need to get them as large as they can initially. As much as I appreciate his honesty, I have had to live with this image for weeks now making my anxiety even worse.
I can feel myself coming down from all my angst lately. Jack isn't here; no dogs and I'm so fatigued I feel like I'm in slow motion. Gotta take my meds and ask mom to get back in her own bed....she's preoccupied with Letterman now. I guess she'll me posting after tomorrow.
Happy Valentine's Day. I LOVE YOU JACK!!!!!!
Love, Janeen
This month I also had to return to my gynecologist for another CA-125 and yet another ultrasound. The ultrasound showed something so my doctor asked me to return two days later for a hysteroscopy (knowing my second breast surgery was just days away). So Friday I went it and he confirmed that I now have endometrial polyps. This has nothing to do with my current situation but they need to be removed, so I will be doing this next. The ultrasound showed very nice, healthy looking ovaries with follicles so I just bought myself another 6 months before I have to have the hysterectomy discussion again. Once again I have been living with doctor appointments; so many lately.
I'm thrilled my mom got to get away to Hawaii for some much needed R&R because I think I will really need more help this time as I have no hospital stay, just Serenity for a few days, then home. I hate being away from Jack and my puggies, but I know they're fine and I will see them soon.
I was told tomorrow will be a 6 hour surgery, then got confirmation today that it's scheduled to be 8 hours. I won't know the difference but mom will. I haven't talked to anybody really so this may be the first you're reading about this second surgery date. Sorry folks...just haven't felt like talking.
Tomorrow I will be getting my nipples. How Dr. Orringer is going to accomplish this I still have no idea. Also my right breast is noticeably larger so this breast has to be cut underneath and tissue removed so that it matches the smaller left breast. Then I will be getting liposuction to tailor my new skin shirt that I spoke about previously. My torso was pulled so tight that I bulge out on the sides. I also have walnut size scar tissue forming on my abdominal scar that I asked Dr. Orringer to remove. He said there is no way he is opening up that scar again to remove scar tissue. So I guess I live with walnuts. I have to break them up myself, but it feels very thick and gross. I'm still quite numb from the September surgery so I'm not sure what my pain level will be, but I will wake up in these beautiful undergarments with donuts over my new nipples. He already warned me that when I wake up I will probably be shocked when I see what I look like. My nipples will be the size of his thumb and full of stitches. Man made nipples shrink 80% so they need to get them as large as they can initially. As much as I appreciate his honesty, I have had to live with this image for weeks now making my anxiety even worse.
I can feel myself coming down from all my angst lately. Jack isn't here; no dogs and I'm so fatigued I feel like I'm in slow motion. Gotta take my meds and ask mom to get back in her own bed....she's preoccupied with Letterman now. I guess she'll me posting after tomorrow.
Happy Valentine's Day. I LOVE YOU JACK!!!!!!
Love, Janeen
D-Day
Packing is completed and only have to run a few errands before Janeen and I head out. Janeen came over this morning with Jack and Starbucks in hand, and she looks like she has not slept in days. She is so nervous and I cannot do anything or say anything that will give her peace of mind. She certainly is not ready for this proceedure but it has to be done. There will never be a good time, so now is as good as any. Hopefully, she will be so druged she won't remember the first night and next day. She has no recall of the last surgery until the second day. This time by then we will be on our way home.
We've tried to prepare Jack as much as possible. He has become very clingy to both of us. He knows mommy and Anni are going to LA again to fix mommy's boobies. He made us promise we would come back. He once again will stay busy with my sister and her husband and they will do fun things with him. He got a new Mater-Tryk for Valentine's Day and boy does he think he is something. He's anxious to ride it to the park, Anni's park. Jack will be so busy, we will be home before he can miss us.
Ms. Janeen will come home and do nothing but rest. I mean nothing! She needs to let her body heal and her mind and trust in God. He will watch over her in surgery, I truly believe this, and He will walk beside her during the healing process. Knowing how God works brings me comfort, strength and yes,
peace. I don't always understand how God works but I do trust in Him. Without Him what would one do? How would all of us handle life's challenges, our failures, our fears, our relationships, our lives? Boy, God is a very busy watching over all of us. How lucky we are to be children of God.
Today is just another gift from God, rain and all. I thank Him for today and I thank Him for all of you who are following Janeen's journey after all these months.
God Bless You All!....................................Barb
We've tried to prepare Jack as much as possible. He has become very clingy to both of us. He knows mommy and Anni are going to LA again to fix mommy's boobies. He made us promise we would come back. He once again will stay busy with my sister and her husband and they will do fun things with him. He got a new Mater-Tryk for Valentine's Day and boy does he think he is something. He's anxious to ride it to the park, Anni's park. Jack will be so busy, we will be home before he can miss us.
Ms. Janeen will come home and do nothing but rest. I mean nothing! She needs to let her body heal and her mind and trust in God. He will watch over her in surgery, I truly believe this, and He will walk beside her during the healing process. Knowing how God works brings me comfort, strength and yes,
peace. I don't always understand how God works but I do trust in Him. Without Him what would one do? How would all of us handle life's challenges, our failures, our fears, our relationships, our lives? Boy, God is a very busy watching over all of us. How lucky we are to be children of God.
Today is just another gift from God, rain and all. I thank Him for today and I thank Him for all of you who are following Janeen's journey after all these months.
God Bless You All!....................................Barb
Saturday, February 11, 2012
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY !!!!
I've returned from a fabulous trip with my sister to Maui. Oh, how I needed last week. I did NOTHING!
The Art Of Doing Nothing is so profound. While I was relaxing and having fun, Janeen was home holding down the fort and finishing her pre-op appointments as well as her annual check ups needed to monitor her ovaries. She does bloodwork, ultrasounds and sonograms. She called me so upset as they found polyps in her uterus. This has nothing whatsoever to do with her BRCA 2 gene issue, it is a female issue anyone can get but her doctor says it has to be removed and the sooner the better.
Folks, while I was gone, Janeen's surgery was changed from February 16th in a hospital, to February 14th, ( Yep....Valentine's Day ) in a surgical center. The reason being, her doctor would have to rush the surgery in a hospital and he could take more time in a surgical center. HELLO ! Of course he is going to take his time and get it right. The 14th is this Tuesday....when do these doctor's think that polyp is coming out. So many changes need to be made. When a doctor changes direction, after care needs to be changed. child care, dog care for 4 dogs at two different residences, marketing. food providers, and all Valentine's Day plans cancelled. Janeen is a nervous Nelly and I don't blame her one bit. But, I'm home and rested and will take over all the changes and she is to relax until we leave for LA on Monday. Her surgery is now scheduled for 8:00 am and should last approximately 6 hrs. She will be transferred to Serenity House where she will stay monitored and I am able to stay in her room with her. Depending on how she handles this surgery determines when she will come home to my care. Hopefully, two days and I'll bring her home. I will keep you all posted via this blog.
I have to laugh...are you ready? Serenity House just called and asked me if Janeen and I were going to share the same bed. OMG!!!! I said NO. she gets her own bed I'll sleep on the couch. It's $350 extra a night for me to stay with her, I want my own rollaway.
Maui was very healing for me. My foot is not completely healed but I can walk and I am up for the challenge of caring for both Janeen and Jack. I flunked Valentine's Day so for all of you who usually receive a card or little something from me, I love you I simply ran out of days. Rejoice in the love you have for yourself and share that very love with all of those you come in contact with. I'll be thinking of you while waiting for Janeen to come out of surgery and please pray for my girl on this day that all goes well.
To all my Valentines......Ciao! Barb
The Art Of Doing Nothing is so profound. While I was relaxing and having fun, Janeen was home holding down the fort and finishing her pre-op appointments as well as her annual check ups needed to monitor her ovaries. She does bloodwork, ultrasounds and sonograms. She called me so upset as they found polyps in her uterus. This has nothing whatsoever to do with her BRCA 2 gene issue, it is a female issue anyone can get but her doctor says it has to be removed and the sooner the better.
Folks, while I was gone, Janeen's surgery was changed from February 16th in a hospital, to February 14th, ( Yep....Valentine's Day ) in a surgical center. The reason being, her doctor would have to rush the surgery in a hospital and he could take more time in a surgical center. HELLO ! Of course he is going to take his time and get it right. The 14th is this Tuesday....when do these doctor's think that polyp is coming out. So many changes need to be made. When a doctor changes direction, after care needs to be changed. child care, dog care for 4 dogs at two different residences, marketing. food providers, and all Valentine's Day plans cancelled. Janeen is a nervous Nelly and I don't blame her one bit. But, I'm home and rested and will take over all the changes and she is to relax until we leave for LA on Monday. Her surgery is now scheduled for 8:00 am and should last approximately 6 hrs. She will be transferred to Serenity House where she will stay monitored and I am able to stay in her room with her. Depending on how she handles this surgery determines when she will come home to my care. Hopefully, two days and I'll bring her home. I will keep you all posted via this blog.
I have to laugh...are you ready? Serenity House just called and asked me if Janeen and I were going to share the same bed. OMG!!!! I said NO. she gets her own bed I'll sleep on the couch. It's $350 extra a night for me to stay with her, I want my own rollaway.
Maui was very healing for me. My foot is not completely healed but I can walk and I am up for the challenge of caring for both Janeen and Jack. I flunked Valentine's Day so for all of you who usually receive a card or little something from me, I love you I simply ran out of days. Rejoice in the love you have for yourself and share that very love with all of those you come in contact with. I'll be thinking of you while waiting for Janeen to come out of surgery and please pray for my girl on this day that all goes well.
To all my Valentines......Ciao! Barb
Monday, January 23, 2012
ALOHA !
Well, Janeen is busy getting her doctor's appointments completed before her surgery. She needs to see Dr. Orringer for her pre-op and Dr. Cole for a blood draw and then it's a go. She is anxious about this surgery, she just wants it done and she is staying busy which is a good thing. I think her head is in a good place and I will be able to stay with her in her recovery house this time. No running back and forth from hotel to hospital to recovery house. I'm staying put right by her side.
She had Jack call me the last night, only for me to hear I was going to Milwaukee. I said, " I don't want to go to Milwaukee" and I could hear Janeen cracking up in the back ground. She took the phone and said, " no you are going to Maui"! She just booked me a week holiday before her surgery so I leave on Feb. 2nd and return on Feb. 9th. A quick trip but she wants me totally rested so I don't bail on her this time. My foot is better one day then it flares up again. My doctor told me to go to Westminister and go to a nail salon and find someone to rub my foot gently for an hour and try to stay off of it as he cannot laser it anymore for two weeks. I told him I'd rather go to Maui and have my feet rubbed, told Janeen this story and she booked it. So, I'm going ! I will sleep, swim, spa and read all with my foot elavated and oh, yes daily foot massage out by the pool. Sure hope it works cuz I'm going to be really busy when I bring Janeen home. Getting away does sound good but MILWAUKEE, YUCK ! Now Jack wants to go to Maui with me so I promised him we'd all go over for Thanksgiving. He got so excited and he has no idea where or what Maui is. We also might try Ulani ( Disney Property) on Ohau. It is just fun to once again think travel instead of doctors and surgeries. A family trip is long over due.
So this is the latest news, life is good for me and my little family.
Barb
She had Jack call me the last night, only for me to hear I was going to Milwaukee. I said, " I don't want to go to Milwaukee" and I could hear Janeen cracking up in the back ground. She took the phone and said, " no you are going to Maui"! She just booked me a week holiday before her surgery so I leave on Feb. 2nd and return on Feb. 9th. A quick trip but she wants me totally rested so I don't bail on her this time. My foot is better one day then it flares up again. My doctor told me to go to Westminister and go to a nail salon and find someone to rub my foot gently for an hour and try to stay off of it as he cannot laser it anymore for two weeks. I told him I'd rather go to Maui and have my feet rubbed, told Janeen this story and she booked it. So, I'm going ! I will sleep, swim, spa and read all with my foot elavated and oh, yes daily foot massage out by the pool. Sure hope it works cuz I'm going to be really busy when I bring Janeen home. Getting away does sound good but MILWAUKEE, YUCK ! Now Jack wants to go to Maui with me so I promised him we'd all go over for Thanksgiving. He got so excited and he has no idea where or what Maui is. We also might try Ulani ( Disney Property) on Ohau. It is just fun to once again think travel instead of doctors and surgeries. A family trip is long over due.
So this is the latest news, life is good for me and my little family.
Barb
Friday, January 13, 2012
Surgery #2
The date is set for Janeen's second surgery. That will be February 16, 2011. When I called Dr. Orringer's office I said the week of the 13th is looking good on this end. Ana Marie called late today after securing an operating room, and says " ok girls, it's a go for February 14th ". Janeen freaked and said " no I can't, I want to be here for Jack on Valentine's Day". So, she called the hospital and confirmed the 16th @ 5:00 a.m. JANEEEEEEEEEN!!!!! It's ok, she should be allowed to choose her own surgery date. I will send Ana Marie flowers and thank her for her understanding and patience. This surgery will complete the reconstruction of her new breasts and I am hopeful make Janeen feel better about her appearance. I have not made arrangements for the other accommodations but we will go up to Santa Monica the night before since her surgery is so early the next day. The surgery is expected to be anywhere from 4 to 6 hours and she will transfer to another facility that night and I will be able to stay with her. If all goes well, I can bring her home on the 17th. That's the plan.
Don't you want to hear about me? Well I'm getting ready. I'm in a wellness program where by I get Immune Deficieny drips (vitamins, glutathion (?), all he B's etc.) in an IV Mon., Tues., and Wed leading up tp her surgery. I found a laser that is helping my foot. Yes, I'm still lame and/or limping around going on 6 months. I have only had 2 treatments but I am seeing results FINALLY and I will start up again with that treatment next Tuesday. So I live at the clinic these days because I simply cannot disappear on Janeen again when she comes home. Jack is now in school two mornings a week, swimming one morning, and then his park playtime. I have spoken to a friend who is a caterer and she wants to take care of all meals and she gets no arguement from me. My sister and her husband will hold down things here while Janeen and I are in Santa Monica and get Jack from point A to point B on the proper day. I learned from last time I did not have enough back up plans in place. Who would of thought I would become lame. Let me just say, heel spurs and plantar fascitis really sucks. I've purchased and have been gifted 12 pairs of the ugliest shoes I've ever seen and I wear them. Once in a while one pair will bring me an hour or two of some pain relief. If any of you reading this comes down with my medical problem, please call me, I know where to send you.
I will do my best to keep the blog up dated and any comments I will be able to access for Janeen from my little arsenal of electronics.
In my heart I hold you all very dear, just knowing so many people care is so comforting. My weeks ahead and Janeen's are filled with doctor's appointments. I go to hers, she goes with me to mine. We're like peas and carrots. If you don't hear from us check the blog and just know we love you, we are just very busy coordinating everything. Jack just goes with the flow. I guess you could say we are like peas, carrots & carrot!
Barb
Don't you want to hear about me? Well I'm getting ready. I'm in a wellness program where by I get Immune Deficieny drips (vitamins, glutathion (?), all he B's etc.) in an IV Mon., Tues., and Wed leading up tp her surgery. I found a laser that is helping my foot. Yes, I'm still lame and/or limping around going on 6 months. I have only had 2 treatments but I am seeing results FINALLY and I will start up again with that treatment next Tuesday. So I live at the clinic these days because I simply cannot disappear on Janeen again when she comes home. Jack is now in school two mornings a week, swimming one morning, and then his park playtime. I have spoken to a friend who is a caterer and she wants to take care of all meals and she gets no arguement from me. My sister and her husband will hold down things here while Janeen and I are in Santa Monica and get Jack from point A to point B on the proper day. I learned from last time I did not have enough back up plans in place. Who would of thought I would become lame. Let me just say, heel spurs and plantar fascitis really sucks. I've purchased and have been gifted 12 pairs of the ugliest shoes I've ever seen and I wear them. Once in a while one pair will bring me an hour or two of some pain relief. If any of you reading this comes down with my medical problem, please call me, I know where to send you.
I will do my best to keep the blog up dated and any comments I will be able to access for Janeen from my little arsenal of electronics.
In my heart I hold you all very dear, just knowing so many people care is so comforting. My weeks ahead and Janeen's are filled with doctor's appointments. I go to hers, she goes with me to mine. We're like peas and carrots. If you don't hear from us check the blog and just know we love you, we are just very busy coordinating everything. Jack just goes with the flow. I guess you could say we are like peas, carrots & carrot!
Barb
Monday, January 9, 2012
Happy New Year and A Little Venting
Happy New Year Everyone. As I kick off this new year with my next surgery looming, I have realized that there are still people that don't really get what I have done so far, or why. I get these inquisitive looks like, "why are you having another surgery?" So I'm not going to sugar coat this, but here is some clarification.
NO, I did NOT have cancer. I have a glitch in my DNA, something I was born with and will have until the day I die, called BRCA2. Please know I have done my research and again what I tried to do, as a single mother, was beat cancer to the punch. Do all people with a positive gene mutation for BRCA get cancer? NO. But the percentages are so low, around 5%, I was not willing to take that gamble. I'm sure it's difficult to understand why someone would make the decision to remove two rather healthy breasts. Whether one has a cancer diagnosis or has a 95% chance of getting cancer, the decision to have a bilateral mastectomy is daunting. It's one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made. But a change of diet, or increase in exercise does NOT get rid of this gene. Nor does chemotherapy or radiation. Nothing gets rid of this gene. It's apart of me and also makes me susceptible to other cancers including breast and ovarian.
So I had my healthy breasts removed last September. I do not have implants or expanders. My surgery was so long, over 18 hours, because I chose a DIEP flap for my immediate reconstruction. If you want to know further about this, google it or read the September posts where both me and my mom have tried to explain this procedure. I used my own tissue and blood vessels as a transplant. Another huge decision that I'm sure most do not understand. Especially now in the news with a certain TV personality that chose to have a bilateral mastectomy and her surgery was something like 4 hours. Some have said to me that maybe my surgery was extreme or unwarranted. I will not beat this dead horse. I know what I did and why I did it. I know what my options were and I too had the choice of the shorter surgery, but I chose to have the DIEP flap. The last few months, I have had my surgery compared to others breasts augmentations, tummy tucks, C-Sections, tumors, and scar tissue removal. My medical history includes cosmetic surgery, an appendectomy, C-Section (after carrying around a 10 lb baby), and over 100 skin biopsies, some being basel cells and one melanoma. I know surgery, I know pain and nothing I have had done compares to a mastectomy. I would never tell a person who's had their chest cracked open for heart surgery that I know what it feels like or I know what they went through, so unless you've walked in my shoes, you really have no idea.
For anybody reading this that is looking at a BRCA diagnosis and is scared to death, please know that you can do this. I don't have a husband to carry me in and out of bed or assist me with my seat belt. In fact I was taking care of my son about a week and 1/2 after surgery because I had to. I'm no superwoman and I'm not saying this to get any brownie points from anybody. I'm just here to tell you that it's very possible to save your life and get back to life. I'm not going to lie. It hurts like a motherf-er. The pain in the beginning is almost unbearable. ALMOST. And then with time you move on. The emotional toll is almost more difficult than the physical. It all sucks no matter what! But you too can do it! In the big picture it is about saving your life.
My next surgery is all about "fixing" me and making nipples. I've actually had a few people tell me nipples are over-rated. Like my friend said, "I don't care if I'm 80, I want my nipples." I couldn't agree more. I'm 42 years old. I want breasts and nipples and to resemble what a woman looks like and I don't believe this is superficial at all.
I still have a long year ahead of me. I knew none of this would come easy for me. I knew this change I have talked about was going to take work but I'm a stubborn bull and change does not come easy for me. I can't help but being pissed off and sad and a whole lot of other emotions. I know one day I will look back at this experience and it will be a distant memory, but for now it's real. This is my life, with everything else going on and trust me, there are more days than not that I feel like I have failed in some way. So I take to my self-help books, favorite quotes and prayer.
Some favorites: "The old has to die so that the new growth can come through. You have to let go of what was to awaken anew." (Letting go..still trying).
"You may not be able to see why life has gone the way it has, just listen and the answer will come, when you are ready." (I really want to be ready).
"Someday life will make perfect sense, so laugh through the confusion, smile through the tears and remember everything happens for a reason." (This too shall pass).
"Attitude is vastly important, because it presents your image to the world and is the driving force behind behavior." (When you can't change your situation, change your ATTITUDE).
And last..."The scars of life tell a story of your ability to overcome adversity, knowing this, you know what lies ahead is achievable." (I AM a strong woman).
Happy 2012. May you be happy and HEALTHY,
Janeen
NO, I did NOT have cancer. I have a glitch in my DNA, something I was born with and will have until the day I die, called BRCA2. Please know I have done my research and again what I tried to do, as a single mother, was beat cancer to the punch. Do all people with a positive gene mutation for BRCA get cancer? NO. But the percentages are so low, around 5%, I was not willing to take that gamble. I'm sure it's difficult to understand why someone would make the decision to remove two rather healthy breasts. Whether one has a cancer diagnosis or has a 95% chance of getting cancer, the decision to have a bilateral mastectomy is daunting. It's one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made. But a change of diet, or increase in exercise does NOT get rid of this gene. Nor does chemotherapy or radiation. Nothing gets rid of this gene. It's apart of me and also makes me susceptible to other cancers including breast and ovarian.
So I had my healthy breasts removed last September. I do not have implants or expanders. My surgery was so long, over 18 hours, because I chose a DIEP flap for my immediate reconstruction. If you want to know further about this, google it or read the September posts where both me and my mom have tried to explain this procedure. I used my own tissue and blood vessels as a transplant. Another huge decision that I'm sure most do not understand. Especially now in the news with a certain TV personality that chose to have a bilateral mastectomy and her surgery was something like 4 hours. Some have said to me that maybe my surgery was extreme or unwarranted. I will not beat this dead horse. I know what I did and why I did it. I know what my options were and I too had the choice of the shorter surgery, but I chose to have the DIEP flap. The last few months, I have had my surgery compared to others breasts augmentations, tummy tucks, C-Sections, tumors, and scar tissue removal. My medical history includes cosmetic surgery, an appendectomy, C-Section (after carrying around a 10 lb baby), and over 100 skin biopsies, some being basel cells and one melanoma. I know surgery, I know pain and nothing I have had done compares to a mastectomy. I would never tell a person who's had their chest cracked open for heart surgery that I know what it feels like or I know what they went through, so unless you've walked in my shoes, you really have no idea.
For anybody reading this that is looking at a BRCA diagnosis and is scared to death, please know that you can do this. I don't have a husband to carry me in and out of bed or assist me with my seat belt. In fact I was taking care of my son about a week and 1/2 after surgery because I had to. I'm no superwoman and I'm not saying this to get any brownie points from anybody. I'm just here to tell you that it's very possible to save your life and get back to life. I'm not going to lie. It hurts like a motherf-er. The pain in the beginning is almost unbearable. ALMOST. And then with time you move on. The emotional toll is almost more difficult than the physical. It all sucks no matter what! But you too can do it! In the big picture it is about saving your life.
My next surgery is all about "fixing" me and making nipples. I've actually had a few people tell me nipples are over-rated. Like my friend said, "I don't care if I'm 80, I want my nipples." I couldn't agree more. I'm 42 years old. I want breasts and nipples and to resemble what a woman looks like and I don't believe this is superficial at all.
I still have a long year ahead of me. I knew none of this would come easy for me. I knew this change I have talked about was going to take work but I'm a stubborn bull and change does not come easy for me. I can't help but being pissed off and sad and a whole lot of other emotions. I know one day I will look back at this experience and it will be a distant memory, but for now it's real. This is my life, with everything else going on and trust me, there are more days than not that I feel like I have failed in some way. So I take to my self-help books, favorite quotes and prayer.
Some favorites: "The old has to die so that the new growth can come through. You have to let go of what was to awaken anew." (Letting go..still trying).
"You may not be able to see why life has gone the way it has, just listen and the answer will come, when you are ready." (I really want to be ready).
"Someday life will make perfect sense, so laugh through the confusion, smile through the tears and remember everything happens for a reason." (This too shall pass).
"Attitude is vastly important, because it presents your image to the world and is the driving force behind behavior." (When you can't change your situation, change your ATTITUDE).
And last..."The scars of life tell a story of your ability to overcome adversity, knowing this, you know what lies ahead is achievable." (I AM a strong woman).
Happy 2012. May you be happy and HEALTHY,
Janeen
Friday, January 6, 2012
Christmas Pictures 2011
A few Christmas pictures.
Our dinner table...
Santa came to Anni's house and brought
Jack his very own Escalade.
Jack asked for a car and a guitar.
Here he is with his new guitar.
We had a blessed holiday and Jack, even though he didn't feel well,
had a wonderful Christmas.
Best wishes to you all for 2012.
Love, Barb
Saturday, December 31, 2011
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
Wow, what a Christmas we had this year. Baby Nack was a little under the weather but he rallied and enjoyed himself with family and.....Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus! Yep, Santa showed up at my house Christmas Eve early, the adults had just started eating, so Baby Nack entertained Santa and the Mrs. while we finished our dinner. It really was very funny as we knew they probably didn't understand a thing he said. I don't know how to drop in pictures so I will leave that for Janeen to share, but we took over 400 pictures that night. NO, you don't need to look at all of them but we did get some keepers.
There was so much joy. So many reasons to rejoice and celebrate the birth of Christ. We were on a tight schedule due to mass being at 9:00 p.m. so we let Jack open his gifts from Santa and off to church we went. He was tired and mass started....and after the opening prayer the congregation says " Amen ". The priest goes over to sit down, you could hear a pin drop and Jack yells out, " aMEN". The whole church started laughing and Jack was removed to the children's quiet room. Christmas mass is always my favorite part of Christmas Eve since I was a child, so sitting in church that night my 2011 Christmas Eve was completed and it was a huge accomplishment. All the work gone in to making the house a Christmas wonderland was worth it. Christmas morning we went to Janeen's. Jack was still not feeling very good but again he rallied until finally he said, " mommy, to much". He was done opening presents and I don't blame him. It was way to much, note to self and all family members. Grandmoe, BoBo, Uncle D and myself went our merry ways only to gather once again Christmas night at Darren's house. You guessed it, more gifts to open and again Jack said, " Anni, to much ". All the Christmas pit stops looked amazing and the food delicious but over kill on the gift giving for Baby Nack. Donations will be made this week to children less fortunate.
I wish to thank all of you who remembered us in your own special way and tell you that I love you and wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR! I also ask please continue praying for Janeen. The start of the new year also means to us, another surgery is that much closer. Maybe, if you find a spare moment you'll pray my damn foot will heal so I can take care of Janeen and Jack. I'll keep you posted once the ball is in motion again. Til then, stay healthy, happy and help somebody in need. Great way to start a new year.
Love to all,
Barb
There was so much joy. So many reasons to rejoice and celebrate the birth of Christ. We were on a tight schedule due to mass being at 9:00 p.m. so we let Jack open his gifts from Santa and off to church we went. He was tired and mass started....and after the opening prayer the congregation says " Amen ". The priest goes over to sit down, you could hear a pin drop and Jack yells out, " aMEN". The whole church started laughing and Jack was removed to the children's quiet room. Christmas mass is always my favorite part of Christmas Eve since I was a child, so sitting in church that night my 2011 Christmas Eve was completed and it was a huge accomplishment. All the work gone in to making the house a Christmas wonderland was worth it. Christmas morning we went to Janeen's. Jack was still not feeling very good but again he rallied until finally he said, " mommy, to much". He was done opening presents and I don't blame him. It was way to much, note to self and all family members. Grandmoe, BoBo, Uncle D and myself went our merry ways only to gather once again Christmas night at Darren's house. You guessed it, more gifts to open and again Jack said, " Anni, to much ". All the Christmas pit stops looked amazing and the food delicious but over kill on the gift giving for Baby Nack. Donations will be made this week to children less fortunate.
I wish to thank all of you who remembered us in your own special way and tell you that I love you and wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR! I also ask please continue praying for Janeen. The start of the new year also means to us, another surgery is that much closer. Maybe, if you find a spare moment you'll pray my damn foot will heal so I can take care of Janeen and Jack. I'll keep you posted once the ball is in motion again. Til then, stay healthy, happy and help somebody in need. Great way to start a new year.
Love to all,
Barb
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