Never thought I'd be at week 6... But here I am. My energy level is still low, but as long as I get back to my old schedule, this too will improve. Doctor said 6-8 weeks and he is right on the money. I feel like all the working out I did before is out the window. I can't even raise my leg and straighten it. All my muscles are so tight. I will start the gym again soon and go SLOW. I did some errands today and had to adjust that bra and realized I didn't have it on. This is what I mean. I feel as if a wire bra has been implanted in me. I could have sworn a wire was poking me. Oh well. I even wore a pair of jeans today but I am completely numb so I always feel like there is some sort of waist band going around me. It's very odd. Again, this will be with me for 6+ months. As my swelling continues to go down, I can see what Dr. Granzow was now talking about...and that is...He said it's going to feel and resemble like I just got a new shirt (made of skin of course). And it won't fit quite right. But not to worry because then I will get it tailored (2nd surgery). I can already see where I'd like my alterations to be done. I wonder if they chalk me or pin me?
My thoughts are still with Annette. The fact that I'm so far along in my healing process yet it's still so fresh that each day I think of her, I can remember where I was; what I was feeling. My heart goes out to her and her family. I didn't want to talk to anyone really and those I did talk to I don't really remember. I just hope she's doing well.
Speaking about not remembering much, I found a list of the nurses that tended to me at St. john's on my iPad today. My mom didn't even get me my iPad or phone for a few days. I knew I wanted to write a letter to St. Johns for their exceptional care throughout this process and wanted to mention everyone involved. So apparently I started a list, titled it and all. That just shows you how bad anesthesia messes with your head. I think there are only 2 nurses that I could actually put a name to their face. The others, I simply have no recollection. Even my anesthesiologist....I have down as Lisa. I can't even give props to her because I don't know her name. So Dr. Lisa, you too did a great job.
I would love a back rub, especially at night. I still try to sleep on my side, sort of, with pillows around me, but what I really want to do is get on my stomach again. And this ain't happening anytime soon. I wonder how I'd get a massage, but I know that's wishful thinking now. And I want to stretch, but everythings been sewn and pulled so tight, I can't. I know in the long run this will be a good thing, but a great stretch would be awesome.
I'm seeing my girlfriends for the first time tomorrow night. I said there will be no water works, but now I'm not so sure. When tough times hit a person or family everybody has their own process and I really appreciate everyone respecting mine. And my mother lion has been uber protective of me, making sure I wasn't overwhelmed with visitors and/or contact with others. She lived this with me and she knows me best, so I thank you mom.
Then other night, Jack was behind me, walking back and forth on the couch. He leaned on my back and put his head on my right shoulder and said, "mommy, I love you.". That was a first. I love my boy so much.
Until next time.......with Love and Gratitude,
Janeen
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