I'm having one of those moments tonight where I can't see the forest through the trees. So much is going through my head tonight. I can't shut off my head. Sept. 12th is right around the corner and will I be strong enough to handle all of this pressure I'm feeling? I cry at the weirdest times and I'm not feeling sorry for myself I just don't know for the first time in my life if I'm going to be OK. It is very scary for me to feel so vulnerable and at the same time handle so much. All of you reading this post, I'm bearing my soul...I'm so scared. I love all the prayers everyone is saying and all the words of encouragement mean so much. I know it has been difficult for you to comment on the blog but I remember everything you all have told me and I will share it with Janeen once she is made aware of what I have done. The offers of help are overwhelming and I think I've stated early on I will take you up on your offers once we settle in at home. She will be coming home with drains and I can only imagine she will feel better once all those are removed. I'm guessing she will be up for company and a good laugh and a glass of wine (?). She is staying very busy, as am I, but now the days are just moving by so quickly. There is still so much for me to organize this final week. OMG!!!! I can do this, there's no turning back now.
Since I started this blog four more women, ( friends of friends) have had the same proceedure done that Janeen is doing on the 12th. Before Janeen was tested for BRCA 1 & 2 I had never heard of this type of breast reconstruction. I don't think I have mentioned that after four months of healing she will have the second part of this surgery. I won't go there now.
Thank you....thank you....thank you to all of you. Your phone calls and emails have touched me deeply.
FAITH is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. And that's the truth!
Barb
3 comments:
Thinking of you every day ~ knowing the count down is on ~ sending my love. Sometimes we don't know the strength we have until we are presented with life's greatest challenges. To me, strength is about embracing and not judging our emotions. Thank you for bearing your soul and sharing your fear. Such a normal, healthy reaction. As you put that out in the world, I hope that comfort comes back in response. So many people are hoping, praying, and wanting to support you during this time. You have all taken care of others over the years. It's time to let people take care of you. With Lots of Love, Jess
I cannot believe you tackled the condo and of course I'll bet it turned out amazing! I'm s0 happy that you and Suzi have reconnected. She is going to be there for you forever. Good things do happen. I received a call from my brother and he has also listed your family on the universal unity prayer group. I will be going to church at the lake on Sunday and Julie and I will be lighting one of the large candles on the alter for all of you. I just know all is going to be fine and I also know the wait is just agonizing. Please know I am with you in spirit and I'll be sending positive energy to you through reiki on a daily basis. Now as my Mother useto say, stay in your shoes and never stop believing in the man upstairs. I know he'll be by your side all the way and will watch over your baby girl. Continue to be strong and stay healthy and as you have said to me, just breathe.
FN
I love the vulnerability in your writing, it is so raw and really strikes a cord with me. I am reminded what pastor Rick Warren has said:
OTHER PEOPLE FIND HEALING IN MY WOUNDS. MY GREATEST LIFE MESSAGE AND MY MOST EFFECTIVE MINISTRY WILL COME OUT OF MY DEEPEST HURTS. THE THINGS I'M MOST EMBARRASSED ABOUT, MOST ASHAMED OF, AND MOST RELUCTANT TO SHARE ARE THE VERY TOOLS GOD CAN USE MOST POWERFULLY TO HEAL OTHERS.
YOU are impacting other's right now Barbara, and you don't even know it!
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