What a day!

It's been a tough and emotional day.  I continue to do more than I am supposed to, but it's hard to stay down.  The 2 pints of my own blood they put back in me may be the reason I am healing so well right now.  I still feel like a truck hit me, but everyone is amazed at my progress and my color.  I don't feel as perky.

I finally had a chance to read all the posts from my amazing mom and everyone's response.  Do I have an incredible mother or what?  How raw and revealing and honest she has been.  I think she revealed things that I didn't even know. 

Before my surgery, Mom and I went to an evening with James Van Praagh.  It was a powerful night.  He intuitively knew of my upcoming procedure and continued to touch his abdomen and chest area.  He askes that you validate what he says with a verbal, yes or no.  It was Yes, Yes, Yes the entire reading.  But moreso, he said that me and mom were almost one.  He could see a gold thread intertwined between the two of us.  This didn't surprise me, just confirmation of just how close we are.

My dear mom.......You are my rock and yet as I read your posts my face is stained with tears.  How brave of you...knowing that I would read this.  I know there is a bond within us that was tied with a golden thread long ago.  You are brave and gracious and you are love and joy.  Whatever strength I have I get from you.

For all of you reading and for those I have texted or emailed, I have to be honest in saying I have almost zero recollection of doing any of this.  My surgery week is alomost a blur.  I'm still having memory issues.  Reading what my mom wrote has filled in the gaps for me.  I'm still foggy.  I have 2 drains in still.  I have to stripe the lines and empty them every 12 hours and it makes me nauseous.  My body feels so foreign to me.  I know I need time and this is one of my many lessons; patience and time.  I ask God to grant me the strength and patience everyday as I am in for a long recovery period.  I don't even care what I will look like anymore because I feel so weird, but I know now I will wear my scars proudly.  I've earned it!!! 

So today was also rough because mom has a leg infection.  It's very difficult for her to stand, walk, much less run around after a two year old.  She decided tonight after she put Jack to bed that she was going home.  Of course I started to cry.  I know I can pretty much do things for myself.  And she will be back in the morning, but if we have any late night readers, I would ask for your continued prayers for all of us.  I think my mom was worried that her body would give out or betray her in some way.  I think God knows I'm fine and it's His way of telling her she needs to go back and take care of herself.  I've been through a lot, but emotional rollar coasters can be just as dangerous.  She needs time for her.  I'll start to call on those that have offered to help.

I re-read what I wrote and I still feel so off.  I think I need more time for the fog to wear off.  Not sure if I'm making sense? 

I thank everyone who is taking the time to read this.  For those praying for me and my family.  To my family and friends, GOD, I love you all!!  Gods blessings comes in many forms.  My physical pain is nothing compared to what I have gained in my mind and heart.  I'm blessed!

Good night.  Mom, be well.  See you tomorrow.

Love, Janeen

P.S. Sleep tight my baby Jack.  Mommy loves you!