I'm Back!

My little break from the medical world and Janeen & Jack was warranted.  Not to sound like poor me...but I didn't get much rest.  See, I have two adult children and so that Darren can participate in this family challenge I took on the job of getting ready Janeen's condo where she lived before Jack, and cleaned and furnished it for Darren.  Boy!!!! what a job but thanks to my sister and her husband and my dear handyman Carlos, it is almost completed.  My sister told me today, " I just love spending your money"!.  I told her she can now stop! 

While I was busy doing this project, Janeen was kept busy with her project, JACK!  It sounds like he has given her a run for the money. Isn't it called the " terrible two's"?  I don't think she has any nerves left after last week and I sure missed them both.  Staying busy is good for her as we go in to the final 11 days before her surgery.  All went well on her Aug. 23rd appointments.  She did her last blood banking. abdomen blood vessel mapping and clearance from Dr. Gransow for surgery.  I need to pull together the schedules for every one who is helping me run both houses and watch Jack  and the puppies while I am away.  Once that is done I think I will be able to say we're ready to roll.  Janeen on the other hand will probably go kicking and screaming all the way up to Santa Monica and in to the OR.  You know what, I would totally understand.  She's trying to be so strong while at the same time she is terrified.

Faith Janeen, is putting all your eggs in God's basket!                                                                       

  Prayer's are the best gift right now for Janeen.  Tell your friends, neighbors and families to say a little prayer each day that all goes well for my daughter.  I know you all will be blessed also.

Love, Barb

One Of Those Day

Today I feel depleted, frustrated and hurt.  Janeen and I took ten steps backwards today.  And I know I shouldn't personalize what she says to me during this difficult time.  As I said in one of my earlier blogs, when you take this simple blood test and check yourself for the breast cancer gene, everyone's life changes.    I believe Janeen would wish she could take back the things she said to me today.  In my heart, I know this is true.  But I am still feeling the sting, so after tomorrow, our last trip to LA before her surgery, I am taking a break.  I am taking a break from doctors, hospitals, Janeen, Jack and this blog.  I am going to do good things for me.  Barb is going to take care of Barb now.  How I feel tonight will pass.  Because I know for sure without Faith, nothing is possible..... With Faith, nothing is impossible.  Tonight I choose to keep the Faith.  I will talk to you all again soon.

Barb

Janeen/Fantasy Football

Janeen did something fun today.  She was invited up to her friends house in Malibu to join her friends Fantasy Football League.  Some of you might not know this but Janen is a football fanatic.  She calls me to talk football talk and all I hear is bla...bla...bla....bla...bla!  She knows nothing about Fantasy Football but decided it might be fun so she went.  When she got home she was all excited about her team ( I truly do not get Fantasy Football ) and rambled on about the players she was able to secure and how happy she was.  All I know is this has come about at the perfect time.  As I understand it the first game will be Sept.8th.  With her surgery on Sept. 12th she will be able to follow her team and do whatever one does during Fantasy Football season while recovering in Santa Monica and at home.  All this stuff will keep her busy and hopefully for her make the days go faster.  She's not going to be able to do anything, so she might as well watch football. Hopefully, having football to occupy her mind, depression after the surgery won't raise it's ugly head.  She'll have so much planning to do and players to move around she won't have time to be depressed.

While she was gone today, Jack and I hung out. Grandmoe and BoBo came over for a quick run through on my house.  They needed to learn all the meds my dogs need in their food, how to work all the fancy do dads that operate this house and learn where everything is that they will need for Jack.  As I said earlier in the blog, they will be staying with Jack for the first three days Janeen is hospitalized then I will come home, get Jack, and head back to Santa Monica. We all had lots of laughs...you can't be around Jack and not laugh.  He is the funniest kid I've ever been around.  He is so animated and his expressions are hysterical.  Grandmoe and BoBo are going to have a good time with him.

I'm so thrilled that Janeen is looking forward already, she isn't going to stay down.  She sent me this tune up last night and I feel it is worth sharing with you.

Life is filled with obstacles and tests that sometimes knock us off our feet.  When we do lose our balance and fall on our faces, it's important to stand up again rather than to sink into doubt and depression...and dust ourselves off.

Getting up again generates greater spiritual Light in the world than if we had never fallen in the first place.  The fact that we fell is not what's important.  True greatness is in the act of rising again. (Kabbalah Daily Tune Up)

This surgery no doubt will knock Janeen on her butt and for the first five days she'll be hating the world.  But you just watch, she'll be up and around doing what she does best, taking care of Jack.  She is the best mom and I know she doesn't want to miss any more days than she has to in caring for him.

Please keep the prayers and positive thoughts going.  We so appreciate it.

Barb ( Also known as "Anni" )

Push Your Rock

There once was a man who had a huge desire to please God, so he prayed day and night until one day a Voice spoke to him, "I want you to go push a rock."

The man woke up the next morning elated, and ran outside to find a huge boulder.  He began pushing it, but nothing happened, so he kept at it all day.  The next day he did the same, yet it still didn't budge an inch.  He went on like that for three months, until one day he got so frustrated that he stopped pushing.

That night he had a dream, and the Voice asked him, "Why did you stop pushing?"  Nothing happened," he answered.  "Nothing happened?  Look at you?  Look how determined and focused you've become.  Look how powerful your muscles are now.  Your're no longer the person you were when you started.

Besides, I didn't tell you to move the rock; I told you to push it.  I'll move the rock when it's time."

Keep pushing your rock.  It'll move at the right moment, in the perfect time, when you least expect it.  And amazing things are happening, even if you're not noticing them yet.

Janeen's been pushing that rock for 9 months now and you know what?  Amazing things are happening and I am noticing them.  She's become more trusting, less fearful and is working real hard at letting go. Letting go of the past as well as letting go of the control she thinks she has over me while I'm watching Jack. HA!

Gotta go  push my rock.......Barb

Home Day

I have so many balls in the air today I am the one snapping at Janeen.  I want her and Jack out of here so I can do all my behind the scenes work.  Today I scheduled myself to do a little retail shopping on line for Jack.  Life will be easier for all of us who will be watching him and at the same time taking care of Janeen.  That would be me!  So, since Janeen will be down for 6 weeks my head is already on the holidays.  Yep, so today I ordered Jack's halloween costume as I am sure a costume will be the furthest thing from Janeen's mind.  It's me thinking so far ahead that drives her crazy.  I feel someone has to do it right?  I also ordered a larger sand box with a canopy as now he uses a little blue plastic baby pool.  He's a big boy now.  Of course he needed a medical kit to carry to the hospital when he goes with me to visit.  This kid is going to crack the nurses and doctors up.  He also got one of those RED jumping balls.  I hope he jumps and jumps until he can't jump any longer then he'll be tired and he will sit quietly in the bar at Shutter' On The Beach while I attempt to unwind from the day of running back and forth from hospital to hotel etc.....Then he got his first painting easel, little art table with two chairs.This will stay home.  My sister (Suzi) is staying at my house for the first three days while I'm with Janeen to watch Jack.  He will make his own get well cards for his mommy and only God knows what else they will come up with.  Suzi is very creative and the sky is the limit.  I've always told Janeen since the day Jack was born that the best gifts from him will be the ones he makes himself.  ( Right now he gives her bling cuz Anni does his shopping,,,she doesn't complain.) I've ordered his fall/winter wardrobe.  He is growing like a weed and I'm not going to want to go shopping and Janeen will not be able to lift.  So now all will be delivered here and I will destribute the clothes to her house on an as needed bases.  There sure are cute boys clothes out there today. Gucci had a killer outfit (didn't buy it!) but I was so tempted. I feel very organized today and my new girl (Thelma) is working out just fine.

So we are all busy I still have loads of schedules to make up for all the folks who will be coming and going at my house during my absence.  No body knows each other, I wish I could be a fly on the wall.  They are suppose to come in and introduce themselves and relieve who ever is here.  If they have an opener to the gate and garage they are suppose to be here.  No opener call the police. Only 23 more days before we head out.  The master plan is falling in to place...months ago this was just one of my nightmares.  Now, not so bad.

Thank you God for my sanity.  No thank you God for everything!
Barb

Trust

It's been another very long day.  We arrived home about 6:00 PM after seeing Dr. Cole her primary doctor.  He did a routine exam and ordered a chest x-ray and we just talked.  He was quite impressed with Janeen's attitude towards her up coming surgery and he believes with this positive attitude she is displaying her recovery will go smoothly.  Dr. Cole is the best and it is through him we were introduced to the other doctors on Janeen's surgical team.  He wrote her Rx's he wants her on the morning of the surgery and he even threw in a couple scripts for me.  Then up to the penthouse we went where we were greeted by Ana Marie who manages the office of Dr. Orringer.  Ana Marie has been my quarterback in the scheduling of all the appointments.  She's just wonderful and without her I don't know how I would have done it all.  If I ran in to a problem with an office I called her to straighten it out.  Dr. Orringer spent over 3 hours with us today.  I said we had a long day.  He pinched every ounce of fat on Janeen's stomach he could and was a little disappointed she had lost weight since he saw her 7 months ago.  She is to eat, eat and eat some more up until her surgery.  The more tissue the better the breasts.  See, all you skinny mini's reading this, you would not even qualify for this proceedure.  You need meat on your bones!  He went on to explain every thing that could go wrong which we all realize doctor's have to do that but it does scare the crap out of you.  They neatly put all this information in to a notebook and Janeen had to initial each page. He explained the need for additional surgeries should the transplant not take or only a portion of the breast survives.  So many unknowns still but you know what, no tears from Janeen and I'm telling you SHE is ready to roll!  The surgery has gone from 12 hours to 18 hours and today Dr. Orringer says 15 hours.  At this point it doesn't really matter, she has to be at the hospital at 5:00 AM and her surgery will start at 7:00 AM.  I will receive up dates every two hours and of course with my new lap top I will keep you all informed as the day goes on.  Darren bought me a new little notebook PC so I can stay in touch.  Janeen doesn't know anything about this either.  Darren is teaching me how to download pictures from my camera to the notebook but I have already forgotten.  He will be with me throughout the day and I'll take another lesson.  I will be able to stay with Janeen that night but she will be so drugged I might just go back to the hotel.  They want her up and walking the next day and I want to be there to help her.......I have put in the mail a calendar that will show those of you who have inquired where she will be.  It is color coded and also says when she will have her ipad and her cell phone with her.  It will give you her transfer day to Serenity House where she will continue to recover before she is left to my nursing skills. I'm also in charge of all her meds....she has some good stuff.  I told Dr. Orringer the meds bag might be empty by the time she goes to Serenity House.  He didn't think I was very funny. So folks.......Janeen is READY!!!!!!  Only three more appointments to go.  All of those are scheduled for the 23rd.  I'm so proud of my girl, she did this her way and I'm confident she will have a wonderful outcome.  If any of you see Janeen before we leave for Santa Monica ( Fab 4 ) remember do not elude to the blog.

Thanks and goodnight!
Barb

Still Here!

I'm home after a busy week end in San Diego with Darren.  It was a good diversion for me but Janeen never left my mind the entire time I was gone.  I know she has an up set stomach and I believe it is nerves.  She's  snapping at me and I'm trying real hard not to personalize it as I know she is not aware she's doing it. Like tomorrow we go to Beverly Hills to see Dr. Cole , her primary doctor then on to Dr. Orringer, her plastic surgeon and also the head surgeon on her team.  I know she is anxious before these appointments and feels I don't understand.  So, to you Janeen and our followers, " I get it".  I truly get it and I also become anxious. I know that Janeen did not sign up for this.  Who in their right mind would?  Truthfully, I didn't sign up for this either however this is the hand that has been dealt and the journey must be completed. Second thought, motherhood automatically signs you up for a lot of surprises throughout our lives but we are still here and we do what we can, right moms out there?  I'm exhausted so this is a short hello but I would like to share with you a verse my neighbor Karin sent me tonight.

"They do not fear bad news - they CONFIDENTLY TRUST in the Lord to care for them (Janeen).  They are CONFIDENT and FEARLESS and FACE THEIR FOES triumphantly!"  I like that so on that note goodnight and please remember Janeen in your prayers.

Ciao, Barb

A Weekend in San Diego

This is Darren, Janeen's brother.  I decided to write a quick note to my sister. Although a lot is going on, you are in my thoughts every day especially during this trying time.  This weekend Mom helped me with Cityfest repsresenting ZIOS and our new products for the restaurant.  We had a great time and thought of you all day.  We knew Jack would have a great time with the fun zone and water slides there.  There was lots of things for kids to do.  Lots of food too.   Jack wouuld have been in heaven.  You two were missed.  Next year, the whole family will do Cityfest in San Diego.  But back to you, things will turn out fine and we are all supportive of you.  You will get through this with flying colors and be better than ever. I LOVE YOU Janeen.  More photos to share with our followers....keep scrolling down.

Janeen and Jack at BoBo's Birthday Party with GrandMoe

Darren and Janeen at ZIO'S

Baby Jack wearing one of Grandmoe's creations. 

Questions, Questions,Questions

Well I woke up today sobbing.  I have no clue if I was dreaming or awoke to the thought of my daughter being on the operating table for 18 hrs.  I freaked, something I try not to do as if I freak Janeen has an anxiety attack but Janeen was not here so I went with it.  My questions aren't, " how do I deal with the insurance company", or "will her breasts match?" or "how painful will her recovery be" etc....... No, I need to know if the surgery is 18 hrs. when and how do the doctors pee?  When do they eat?  Will they scrub up good each time they have to leave the OR?  How many doctor's will stay with her througout this long proceedure?  Do anesthesiologists change or take turns?  I started praying.  I asked God to please remind the doctor's to wear catheters, go on IV drips for food sourse and never leave her. Then it hit me, even if everyone leaves the OR God will stay.  I don't know when nor how but I fell asleep, a deep sleep and woke up late as I had to get my little Molly (shiz-poo) to her neurologist.  I still don't have the answers to my questions but as the day goes on these questions aren't as important to me as they were at 6:00 AM this morning.

I also realized today that I have not mentioned that BRAC 1 and 2 genes also affect men.  This gene does not discriminate between men and women.  If breast cancer is in a male's history my advise is the same.  Talk to your doctor as you might save your own life.  Yes, men get breast cancer and of course ovarian cancer is reserved for women but prostate cancer would be your nightmare.  Family, friends and medical professionals all have their opinions but ultimately you all need to gather as much information you can then make a decision  and do what is right for you.  Make a decision you won't regret. Take a simple blood test!

That's all for today, God Bless!
Barb

Bitter Sweet Day

Janeen and I headed out today for her pre-op with her general surgeon then over to the hospital for her first blood banking.  I will explain what this means in laymen's terms and not try and dazzle you all with my new vocabulary. That would be doctor talk. Janeen is having a prophylatic mastectomy and Dr. Robert Cole is the surgeon for this portion of Janeen's surgery.  Dr. Cole will separate the breast tissue from the skin and underlying muscle and remove as much as possible.  This area extends from under the collarbone to the bottom of the rib cage and from the breastbone in the middle of the chest to the underarm.  Janeen has declined nipple sparing so the nipple and areola will also be removed.  The good news, he will not touch lymph nodes under her arms as she DOES NOT HAVE CANCER.  He will however do a small lymph biopsy just to make sure there are no harmful cells present.  The biopsy report will be completed while they continue on with what was once to be a 12 hr. surgery to a possible 16 to 18 hr. surgery.  Hence the title of this post. Yes, there were tears for both of us but Dr. Cole was so caring and said the time line had changed because he wanted me to be prepared, as he will not rush through this proceedure nor will the rest of the team.  You see, once her breasts are removed two other doctor's have been working on her stomach.  Yes. her stomach will now become two breasts.  Dr. Orringer, the plastic surgeon and Dr. Granzow the micro-surgeon will be transplanting her stomach to her chest.  It is still so hard for me to try to explain this proceedure but Janeen has reason to worry and be fearful this is major.  In order for these doctors to do this Janeen will have to have an abdominal blood vessel mapping done and that is scheduled for Aug. 23rd.  Dr. Granzow told us 9 months ago he would like 7 good blood vessels for each breast but 2 good vessels would keep a breast alive.  Should this part of the surgery not be successful her breast will die within the first 72 hrs.  after surgery.  Because the surgery is so long sometimes they can see while the surgery is going on that the first breast blood supply was not sufficient and will have to go back and fix what they had just finished.  So enough bitter........We then went to the hospital for her Blood Banking.  She gave 1 unit of blood today that is about 450 cc's.  She will repeat this Blood Banking on Aug. 23rd.  She has been taking large doses of iron and vitamin c and this blood will be put back in to her during the surgery and is suppose to help in a quicker recovery.  Nice plump red blood cells ready to go do their job.  She didn't feel very good when we left and that is perfectly normal but after an hour on the freeway home she was up for a little retail therapy.  That's my girl.  We both came home with some new prizes and a truck for who else..."baby jack". So after all of this I must add we laughed so hard today I thought I'd crash the car.  It was laughter, tears then more laughter then more laughter and then more laughter.  Not bad for one day.  The sweet part of today is what we will remember when all is said and done.  Janeen is a trooper and she has come so far during the past 9 months.  She's ready to get the show on the road. I'm also ready.

To be continued.................Barb

A New Day

Well today started very early with the plumber and then an interesting interview with a lady I met at Bloomingdales in the lingerie department while looking for gowns for Janeen that button up the front.  I've looked in every catalog and store and did find two at Bloomies in black and white.  Janeen has already seen the gowns I ordered from catalogs, one yellow and one peacock blue only to comment, " mom you know I don't do color".  I couldn't help but crack up but she later called and apologized.  This is our life now. OK, back to Bloomies.  This lady, Thelma immediately took to me and my sister and so we told her Janeen's story.  She said, " I want to come help you and your daughter ".  This morning I hired her and she will start this Friday.  Now if that is not divine intervention I don't know what is, as I had hired 2 ladies two weeks ago who stood me up for 2 weeks and never would return a phone call.  Maybe the house or I scared them but if so I don't need them around us anyway. Thelma is a sweetheart and a talker but I do have plenty of duct tape on hand at both houses.  Her main duties will be helping me with Janeen and Jack once we come home as I am confident I will not be able to do this by myself.  My handyman told me today Janeen was crying yesterday because she has placed such a burden on me.  She hasn't placed any burden on me she was born with this BRCA 2 gene, it is not her fault.  Janeen is going to learn the true meaning of "letting go".  The only thing she can control is her attitude during this journey.  She will learn how to Trust for perhaps the first time in her life and love herself just the way she is and will be after her surgery.  God don't make no junk....and she is beautiful on the inside as well as the outside and after Sept. 12, 2011 nothing will change. God made her just the way she was meant to be and she will learn to embrace His gift.

On a lighter note:  Ladies have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are used to define bra sizes?  It is now time for you to be informed.
      A    Almost Boobs
      B     Barely there
     C     Can't complain
     D     Dang..............
     DD  Double dang...
     F     Fake
     G    Get a reduction
     H    Help me I've fallen and I can't get up!

Oh, we can't forget the German bra:  Holtzemfromfloppen

A little humor is good for the soul.  Hope you got a chuckle out of this.  I now must get to my office.

Ciao, Barb
        

Let's Back Up

Good morning!  I have already learned in less than 24 hrs. just how emotional doing this blog is going to be for me.  Telling Janeen's story makes everything so real and I cannot stay stoic as I have tried to do through out this process.  I cried half the night away last evening and I'm blurry eyed today but I'm determined to do this for my daughter.  I titled this post appropriately because I realize there are some of you that I have notified that have no clue as to what is taking place.  In my zealous to get the blog started I come out of the shoot with dates for a 12 hour major surgery and some of you must be going " what?/!@"

Janeen is a first time mom. She is 42 yrs. old and after much planning she was blessed with the most gorgeous little boy Jack.  Jack is now 2yrs. old but when he was 18 mos. Janeen went to a routine doctor's appointment.  It was at that appointment back in October 2010 her doctor noticed in her chart there was a history of breast cancer in her family (on her father's side) and all the women were diagnosed at a young age.  By young I mean 40yrs old or younger.  This is a red flag for any of you out there that are relating to what I just said.  Dr. Wheeler told Janeen to take a simple blood test to see if she was a carrier for the breast cancer gene.  Janeen did this without any awareness of how much her life was going to change and the lives of her family. After several weeks of waiting for the results and while I was vacationing in Hawaii Janeen learned she was in fact a carrier of the BRCA 2 gene.  Janeen will get breast cancer and ovarian cancer in her life time and most likely before she reaches age 45.  Janeen was in the best place in her life she had ever been.  Glowing from motherhood and rejoicing in God's goodness who sent her the perfect little boy for her to love and nuture in to adulthood. BAM!  Hysterically Janeen called me in Hawaii and together we set up a plan.  The day after I got home we would go to Beverly Hills to her primary doctor and educate ourselves on what all this new information meant. Let me state here Janeen DOES NOT have cancer!  She has been tested for pancreatic cancer (this cancer also goes along with the BRCA 2gene), MRI's and Mammogram's for breast cancer and several tests for ovarian cancer.  All NEGATIVE which is a huge blessing but the clock for Janeen is ticking.  So since November 2010 we have been on a quest to learn as much as we can about Janeen's options to act.  I never saw any other option but to do what she has ultimately choosen to have done which was a difficult period as I want to save my baby's life (Janeen).  There was a time when she opted to take her chances and do nothing.  I went balistic and we have never argued more than we have this past year.  Both of us operating from fear and unable to get on the same page. I dreaded every doctor's appointment and hated talking about CANCER every day and the possibility of loosing my daughter to that monster.  Janeen devastated over the possibility of leaving her precious little man.  One day I came home, we got in a huge argument and I said ENOUGH!  We decided to take time to digest all the information we had gathered and to just go and have some fun.  Yes. take a time out and plan some fun activities for the next three months.  I tell you all that was the best decision.  Although that black cloud still loomed over us we were able to plan fun family birthdays, outings to Disneyland, enjoy Uncle D (Darren) and a huge blessing was being able to share Jack with Grandmoe (my sister Suzi) and BoBo(my brother-in-law). Meditation is another blessing and Janeen and I share our favorite daily tune-ups.  The love I feel for my family has never been stronger and our closeness feels so good.  I feel God's presence in my life every minute of every day and I wonder before all this happened where was He?  I feel Him, I talk to Him, I've even yelled at Him, ( so has Janeen) but He has never left my side.  You know how I know that?  I'm
still here functioning, making all the doctor's appointments, putting the time line in place, hiring help for when we come home, I'm still walking, not great but my legs still take me where I need to go. But the best I take Jack almost every day.  He keeps us all laughing and brings joy in to my life daily.  I say a day without Jack is like a day without sunshine! I know " anything is possible with God's help", but this is the first time I have truly felt it day after day after day.

This week is the beginning of all the pre-op appointments.  Four doctors are involved.  Her primary in Beverly Hills, her general surgeon in Santa Monica, her plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills and her Micro- plastic surgeon in Torrance.  So you see the scheduling has not been easy.  I'm still here...more later.

Have a wonderful day every one.

Barb

Countdown

Welcome to Janeen's Blog.

This blog was designed to chronicle Janeen's journey through her double mastectomy and DIEP Flap surgeries which are schedule for Sept 12, 2011.

It is our hope that those who read this blog, will not only learn more about mastectomies, but also the genetic components of the BRCA Genes 1 & 2 that can be detected through a simple blood test which will save many women's  lives.  If there is a history of breast cancer in your family, especially occurring in a woman's 30s or 40s are message to you is to talk to your doctor about being tested for the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2, then seek genetic counseling.

We are living in an age where all women can thank God, that with a blood test, lives might be altered for awhile but those altered lives can be saved.  Knowledge is power and women need to share their experiences with each other.  That is what we hope this blog will do. By sharing Janeen's journey hopefully others will find strength through Janeen's decision to do this procedure that many find extreme and unnecessary.  Having seen over 11 doctors we are convinced this is the right procedure for Janeen.  Janeen is willing to share her story with all of you and your loved ones.  If her decision saves one life then all the research Janeen has done will be worth it. 

Janeen and her family welcome your prayers for a safe surgery and a speedy recovery.  Baby Jack needs his mommy home.

Barb 

Jack and Anni

Jack in Anni's New Car

Swimming in Anni's Pool