It's been a tough and emotional day. I continue to do more than I am supposed to, but it's hard to stay down. The 2 pints of my own blood they put back in me may be the reason I am healing so well right now. I still feel like a truck hit me, but everyone is amazed at my progress and my color. I don't feel as perky.
I finally had a chance to read all the posts from my amazing mom and everyone's response. Do I have an incredible mother or what? How raw and revealing and honest she has been. I think she revealed things that I didn't even know.
Before my surgery, Mom and I went to an evening with James Van Praagh. It was a powerful night. He intuitively knew of my upcoming procedure and continued to touch his abdomen and chest area. He askes that you validate what he says with a verbal, yes or no. It was Yes, Yes, Yes the entire reading. But moreso, he said that me and mom were almost one. He could see a gold thread intertwined between the two of us. This didn't surprise me, just confirmation of just how close we are.
My dear mom.......You are my rock and yet as I read your posts my face is stained with tears. How brave of you...knowing that I would read this. I know there is a bond within us that was tied with a golden thread long ago. You are brave and gracious and you are love and joy. Whatever strength I have I get from you.
For all of you reading and for those I have texted or emailed, I have to be honest in saying I have almost zero recollection of doing any of this. My surgery week is alomost a blur. I'm still having memory issues. Reading what my mom wrote has filled in the gaps for me. I'm still foggy. I have 2 drains in still. I have to stripe the lines and empty them every 12 hours and it makes me nauseous. My body feels so foreign to me. I know I need time and this is one of my many lessons; patience and time. I ask God to grant me the strength and patience everyday as I am in for a long recovery period. I don't even care what I will look like anymore because I feel so weird, but I know now I will wear my scars proudly. I've earned it!!!
So today was also rough because mom has a leg infection. It's very difficult for her to stand, walk, much less run around after a two year old. She decided tonight after she put Jack to bed that she was going home. Of course I started to cry. I know I can pretty much do things for myself. And she will be back in the morning, but if we have any late night readers, I would ask for your continued prayers for all of us. I think my mom was worried that her body would give out or betray her in some way. I think God knows I'm fine and it's His way of telling her she needs to go back and take care of herself. I've been through a lot, but emotional rollar coasters can be just as dangerous. She needs time for her. I'll start to call on those that have offered to help.
I re-read what I wrote and I still feel so off. I think I need more time for the fog to wear off. Not sure if I'm making sense?
I thank everyone who is taking the time to read this. For those praying for me and my family. To my family and friends, GOD, I love you all!! Gods blessings comes in many forms. My physical pain is nothing compared to what I have gained in my mind and heart. I'm blessed!
Good night. Mom, be well. See you tomorrow.
Love, Janeen
P.S. Sleep tight my baby Jack. Mommy loves you!
