Tomorrow September 12, 2012 marks one year since Janeen's surgery. It doesn't seem possible to me that one year has already gone by. I'm sure to Janeen it feels like an eternity but it has only been 12 months.
After Janeen's last entry you all must have thought what the hell has happened? She had just had one of those days and she vented on the blog. I truly don't blame her but it made me sad to read all she wrote and I felt so helpless. No matter what I say, or how I say it or when I say it, if Janeen's down she doesn't want to hear anything. She was beating herself up because she has to wear a safety belt in the pool so she won't drown. She was in 7' of water and without stomach muscles you sink. It's easy for me to sit here and say, " so what, you had to put on a safety belt, at least your in the water doing your exercises". See, I'm so proud of her for getting up every morning and getting in the pool that I don't think how difficult it is for her to do what the other swimmers are able to do, and so she becomes frustrated beyond words. Then in her exercise class she feels she needs to go to the back of the room because she ia unable to do the sit ups and other exercises everyone else can do, so again she is extremely frustrated. Again, I am so proud of her that she gets to the gym and does the class period. I can't feel what is going on inside of her and she knows it frustrates me to always talk about what she cannot do.
Janeen can nurture and love Jack. She can keep house and by that I mean do everything as she has no housekeeper. She does all her own errands, lifts groceries, cases of water, cases of dog food and can lift and carry her 50 lb son. I think that's pretty good for one year out. She walks her dogs, her loveable puggies, plays with Jack outside and runs up and down the street when he is riding his bike or driving his car. Pretty good for one year out. She still works for me doing my errands and helping me around my house, pretty good for one year out. I think you all must be getting my point by now.
What Janeen is capable of doing is nothing short of miraculous. The doctor's said, " you will need to give yourself one year". Janeen heard, " you will be good as new in one year". Big difference!
I don't have a crystal ball to know when Janeen will feel like her old self. Maybe she never will. That's a possibility, but I know for sure she cannot keep living September 12, 2011 over and over in her mind and be healthy. She cannot continue to feel sorry for me for the 18 1/2 hr. wait I endured. I did it and it is done. She was cut up really bad but she survived, she is beautiful and she is my hero.
My daughter is the strongest lady I know and she is way to hard on herself. So, no more living in 2011, this is 2012. The past is the past and if she/we stay in the past we miss the little joys of every day living and there are so many. The constant worry about the future, same thing, you aren't living in the now and once the now is gone, it is gone.
So folks please continue to pray for Janeen. We will celebrate tomorrow night with a family dinner and be so very thankful for all my family who have supported us and have shown their love for us this past year. September 12th will be a Happy Day or as Jack and I say, " it's a PARTY".
Love to all,
Barb
