God only gives three answers to prayers.
1.) Yes
2.) Not Yet
And
3.) I have something better in mind.
Janeen
Monday, November 28, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Happy Thanksgiving
I had Mom over for dinner tonight. We ate at my decorated Thanksgiving table even though we will not be here at my house for Thanksgiving Day. As thankful as I am, I am also quite anxious for the holidays and I feel like I need to get rid of all the fall and make my house into some sort of winter wonderland now. I will be putting up my Charlie Brown tree, but my Mom and Aunt have other plans...I am leaving all of those details to them.
Is it a good thing that I have lost track of what week I'm at now? I'm absolutely feeling better, but I find myself at times still not believing that I have had a double mastectomy. I'm on this roller coaster and I can't get off just yet. It's difficult to feel real feminine. And the fact that I wore an old pair of maternity sweatpants the other day doesn't help with feeling so feminine, but they are so comfortable. I have a new body, clothes fit differently and pieces of me will continue to change so it's all very weird. I'm still not comfortable in my skin, but this has been a theme in my life. Just taking it all in. One day at a time. My boobs will not define me, but taking someone like me, who's always had body issues and then this happens......light bulb moment here....God's life lesson for me: acceptance. When I feel myself drifting away from my lessons and getting stuck in the absurd, I have to reel myself in and remind myself that I have been given this opportunity; this gift. I have had a physical change but I still think I got slammed in the face with a huge life lesson. When you can't change your situation, you gotta change your attitude. This isn't about the physical; it's all mental. I have to practice what I'm writing here. I get caught up in the physical because it's what we all see. Why do I get sucked into that 1% thinking? This is all we perceive with our five senses. On the other side of that curtain is the 99%. Nothing happens suddenly. Note to self: we are all more than our physical being.
Thanks for listening once again. I wish everybody a very Happy Thanksgiving weekend. I'm thankful for you all.
Bless you,
Janeen
Is it a good thing that I have lost track of what week I'm at now? I'm absolutely feeling better, but I find myself at times still not believing that I have had a double mastectomy. I'm on this roller coaster and I can't get off just yet. It's difficult to feel real feminine. And the fact that I wore an old pair of maternity sweatpants the other day doesn't help with feeling so feminine, but they are so comfortable. I have a new body, clothes fit differently and pieces of me will continue to change so it's all very weird. I'm still not comfortable in my skin, but this has been a theme in my life. Just taking it all in. One day at a time. My boobs will not define me, but taking someone like me, who's always had body issues and then this happens......light bulb moment here....God's life lesson for me: acceptance. When I feel myself drifting away from my lessons and getting stuck in the absurd, I have to reel myself in and remind myself that I have been given this opportunity; this gift. I have had a physical change but I still think I got slammed in the face with a huge life lesson. When you can't change your situation, you gotta change your attitude. This isn't about the physical; it's all mental. I have to practice what I'm writing here. I get caught up in the physical because it's what we all see. Why do I get sucked into that 1% thinking? This is all we perceive with our five senses. On the other side of that curtain is the 99%. Nothing happens suddenly. Note to self: we are all more than our physical being.
Thanks for listening once again. I wish everybody a very Happy Thanksgiving weekend. I'm thankful for you all.
Bless you,
Janeen
Sunday, November 13, 2011
November 12, 2010
One year ago today I got my BRCA results. What a difference a year makes. My Mom was in Hawaii and I was walking into Hoag to see a genetic counselor.
A year has already gone by and I'm already 2 months into the healing part from my surgery. I met with D. Orringer last week and we are already in talks for my next surgery. I will wait until the first part of the new year. It may be a 4-6 hour surgery. Won't even try to compare the two procedures. I was feeling a little blue for various reasons, but just feeling better and yet knowing I have to do this again, so soon. I knew going into this it would be about a year process total. And yet this year flew by.
Need to stay in the NOW. Count my blessings. Continue to embrace all the love I have received. Continue to love my Lovey and puggies. Thank God for my family and friends.
Again I am humbled by this experience, but it's not over. Gotta dig myself out of the blues when it hits. And if I have some trouble doing this, there's always Mom. I think my emotional ebb and flow is normal. I think having the periodic blues just goes along with the territory.
For all those continuing to stay in touch, I thank you.
Be well,
Janeen
A year has already gone by and I'm already 2 months into the healing part from my surgery. I met with D. Orringer last week and we are already in talks for my next surgery. I will wait until the first part of the new year. It may be a 4-6 hour surgery. Won't even try to compare the two procedures. I was feeling a little blue for various reasons, but just feeling better and yet knowing I have to do this again, so soon. I knew going into this it would be about a year process total. And yet this year flew by.
Need to stay in the NOW. Count my blessings. Continue to embrace all the love I have received. Continue to love my Lovey and puggies. Thank God for my family and friends.
Again I am humbled by this experience, but it's not over. Gotta dig myself out of the blues when it hits. And if I have some trouble doing this, there's always Mom. I think my emotional ebb and flow is normal. I think having the periodic blues just goes along with the territory.
For all those continuing to stay in touch, I thank you.
Be well,
Janeen
Monday, November 7, 2011
Well Mom beat me to the punch tonight, but I too wanted to comment on a great day with my Mom. Yes, I'm at 8 weeks today. I still cannot believe 2 months ago tonight I was still in surgery going on hour 15 or so. As a mother myself (still sounds weird) I cannot imagine what my Mom was going through. I'm 42 but I'm still her kid. And as emotional and painful as this journey has been, I would gladly do it all over again as I don't think I could handle this if our roles were reversed.
Looking and feeling so tired I suggested to Mom we go get facials. Of course I'd kill for a massage but that ain't going to happen for a very long while. So we went to The Montage for a late lunch and had a good 'ol Mom and daughter day, like we used to. I DID take a pause before I changed and I admit I did look around to see who was in the changing area. But yes, I did tell Mom tonight that I don't care what anybody thinks about my scars, now or in the future. My doctor says that in time it will look like I had a mommy make-over. But I know the truth. I know what I went through and why. There was an article in a magazine where a woman wrote about being BRCA positive and she went through my same procedure to prevent breast cancer and she referred to herself as a previvor. So when I wrote before I don't know what category I'm in.....I know now. I'm a previvor.
My facial was awesome. Mom came out and I swear it looked like she had just stepped off a plane from Hawaii, all rested and glowing. Then I caught myself in the mirror, and I must say, I looked good. Like some time had been shaved off. I felt bright. I glowed too. It was such a wonderful rejuvenation. Never did I think I would even feel slightly comfortable enough to do this. Now I was very aware of my surroundings and for a Monday there were quite a few women there. But I figure the more I move forward I will continue to have emotional healing as well as physical. We are all going to be thrown a situation in our lives that will make us kick and scream, some of us may get a few of these, but it's the way in which we handle the situation that makes for the best outcome. And so today I handled it with a facial and a martini.
Spending time with my Mom outside of hospitals and doctor offices was so refreshing. And Jack got to spend quality time with his uncle. The time I get with my loved ones is what's most important. You can't buy time. You have to be able to give it AND receive it. I know thanksgiving is still a few weeks away, but I don't need just one day to give thanks.
I am blessed, thankful and hey Mom, I'm HAPPY! I love you.
Love, janeen
Looking and feeling so tired I suggested to Mom we go get facials. Of course I'd kill for a massage but that ain't going to happen for a very long while. So we went to The Montage for a late lunch and had a good 'ol Mom and daughter day, like we used to. I DID take a pause before I changed and I admit I did look around to see who was in the changing area. But yes, I did tell Mom tonight that I don't care what anybody thinks about my scars, now or in the future. My doctor says that in time it will look like I had a mommy make-over. But I know the truth. I know what I went through and why. There was an article in a magazine where a woman wrote about being BRCA positive and she went through my same procedure to prevent breast cancer and she referred to herself as a previvor. So when I wrote before I don't know what category I'm in.....I know now. I'm a previvor.
My facial was awesome. Mom came out and I swear it looked like she had just stepped off a plane from Hawaii, all rested and glowing. Then I caught myself in the mirror, and I must say, I looked good. Like some time had been shaved off. I felt bright. I glowed too. It was such a wonderful rejuvenation. Never did I think I would even feel slightly comfortable enough to do this. Now I was very aware of my surroundings and for a Monday there were quite a few women there. But I figure the more I move forward I will continue to have emotional healing as well as physical. We are all going to be thrown a situation in our lives that will make us kick and scream, some of us may get a few of these, but it's the way in which we handle the situation that makes for the best outcome. And so today I handled it with a facial and a martini.
Spending time with my Mom outside of hospitals and doctor offices was so refreshing. And Jack got to spend quality time with his uncle. The time I get with my loved ones is what's most important. You can't buy time. You have to be able to give it AND receive it. I know thanksgiving is still a few weeks away, but I don't need just one day to give thanks.
I am blessed, thankful and hey Mom, I'm HAPPY! I love you.
Love, janeen
Beautiful Day
Hello everyone....today was a BEAUTIFUL DAY!!! You all know by now, it was 8 weeks ago I sat in a hospital worried sick over my daughter in an operating room. Although I had Darren beside me, it was one of the longest days of my life. Today, as I sat with my daughter at The Montage, having lunch and taking in the view of our beautiful coastline both of us reflected back to September 12, 2011. It has ONLY been 8 weeks but today it seemed like years ago. We were back having our mom/daughter day and it was Janeen's idea. Darren watched Jack so we could have some girlie time and it was wonderful. Now, for the best part. We went to the spa and had facials. If you had asked me 2 months ago did I think Janeen would go into a spa and disrobe for a proceedure, I would have said, " NO WAY"! Well she did and the best part for me was to hear her say, " I no longer care about my scars, I've earned every one ". I had to fight back the tears. Both of us came out of our respective treatments glowing. Truly, we BOTH looked younger, or that's what we told each other. So that called for a cocktail. One phone call to Uncle D to see if everything was under control at home, ( it was ) and we headed for the lounge and a Martini. We felt like the piano player was playing just for us and we were both so relaxed. I could have sat there for hours but reality set in and it was time to come home.
Our thoughts were with Annette who we figured is about 2 1/2 weeks post op. She's hurting bad right about now....we can't forget to continue praying for her. I hope Janeen will make contact with her again real soon.
So, we took time for us today, hope all of you still following this journey will take some time for yourself and have a Beautiful Day too. So much to be thankful for, go celebrate!
Barb
Our thoughts were with Annette who we figured is about 2 1/2 weeks post op. She's hurting bad right about now....we can't forget to continue praying for her. I hope Janeen will make contact with her again real soon.
So, we took time for us today, hope all of you still following this journey will take some time for yourself and have a Beautiful Day too. So much to be thankful for, go celebrate!
Barb
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