Well, I'll be at 4 weeks this Tuesday. I had a routine appointment with Dr. Orringer for Thursday but got rescheduled to this Monday which I am so thankful for now as I have had a situation occur tonight with the right breast/nipple. Don't think the graft is holding. I called him today and he's in San Diego, but told me he'd see me tomorrow Sunday if need be. He gave me instructions as to what to do....mom came over and helped me. I'll give more details later when I figure out exactly what happened and what will be needed to fix this. The right side was always the side that wasn't healing as well as the left, but tonight.....again, infection and rejection are things to worry about. It's like my body may be trying to expel the graft.
I couldn't sleep one night and read many other BRCA blogs and there was a woman who chose her mastectomy with reconstruction using implants. She got an immediate infection, was back in surgery. Had 3 more infections and went 9 months without breasts. This was back in 2010 and sad I don't know the eventual outcome.
None of these decisions are easy. Of course my mind goes to the extreme. What has to be done now? I'm frustrated. I took my medicine as prescribed but there wasn't a pill for bitchy. I just don't think I'm as strong as you all think I am. This last month has not been the most painful but I have about one nerve left. Could it all be worse, absolutely. I try to keep this in mind. I am really disappointed tonight. When is it enough?
J
1 comment:
Janeen, I see how hard you try to handle your heart, and I know you want to live a life without heartaches or pain. I'm asking you to take a step closer to your Father in heaven by crying out to Me when you hurt. Janeen, let Me heal you. Remember My chosen King David? He cried out to Me in his fears, disappointments, and sin and I answered. You are also My daughter...so it's okay to cry. I don't expect you to pretend that pain is not real. It is truth and tears that will give you freedom that I want you to know. Janeen, let go of that part of your heart that only I can heal. Princess let your heavenly Daddy hold you while you cry.
Love,
Your King who wipes away your tears
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