Surgery Day & Feeling Blue

Today I had my hysteroscopy.  I tried to get to sleep early last night as I had to leave for the surgery center at 6:15 a.m.  I think I got about 3 hours sleep.  Anyway, I had to get Jack up early as well.  Poor little guy.  Mom picked us up and off we went.  I cannot believe how nervous I was today.  I was making myself nauseous.  I checked in, then Mom and Jack left once they took me back.  Prepping for the procedure, changing into my gown, getting on the gurney, then giving a medication and surgical history, I just started to cry.  Today pales in comparison to what I've been through but it was like a flood of memories came back to me.  They started my IV with fluids and then I met my anesthesiologist.  The nurses were very nice and they all said that crying was no problem, so I did.  I just layed there and cried.  If I said 'mastectomy' once today, I feel like I said 50 times.  I know they are just doing their job but everyone has to keep asking me the same questions and so I sounded like a broken record.  Dr. Wheeler, my OBGYN, arrived.  We briefly discussed the procedure to remove the polyps and aftercare.  Then off I went...... I got my 'cocktail' and I was in la-la land.

I woke up about an hour or so later.  Dr. Wheeler removed 3 polyps.  They are getting biopsied and I'm sure all will be fine but I tend to hold my breath a bit until pathology comes back.  Mom had dropped Jack off at my aunt and uncles house for the afternoon, so she was there when I woke up.  I was so groggy but it soon wore off.  I did need a shot for pain and cramping.  As the nurse was getting me dressed she asked who did my other surgery because she has seen a lot of patients and she said they all commented at how good I look.  I kinda laughed.  I know that my LA doctors did an amazing job putting me all back together, but it's weird to have other medical staff comment.  Since I still don't feel right I just said, "Thank you."  She agreed that it will take me well over a year to "feel" like myself again.  She pulled back the blankets and they were covered with blood and iodine.  So gross, I can only imagine what the hell goes on in any surgery. ICK!

I've been home in bed all day and have not been able to sleep a wink.  I get up and feel a bit dizzy so I just tweeted A LOT today.  Feeling better tonight but cramping again.  Mom has Lovey for an overnight so I'll try a Tylenol p.m. and hope for the best.  I'm so used to having Jack with me and staying on our schedule that getting a day break really isn't a break because my internal clock is thinking about him all the time.  But he had a fun day and he loves spending the night at 'Nanni's' house.

I got my take home instructions and obviously stay down, watch for excessive bleeding and cramping and fever and NO swimming for a week.  "That's my thing," I said.  Feel like I'm taking steps back again with regards to my exercise.  I'll have to do something else next week...maybe just resume my walks.

Friday is my cousins viewing which I am not attending; but his memorial is Monday in Fallbrook and I will be there.  My other cousin Diane, Jim's sister, flew into town so it'll be nice to see her.  She too is BRCA2+ and had her mastectomy last year as well.  SUCKS!!!!

On a lighter note, my amazing son is turning "3" on June 24.  We are Disneyland bound AGAIN.  He loves it; so do I and I LOVE him.  Then a few weeks later, back into the swing of things with my EUS scheduled for July (hospital again). Then I still have to get back up to LA for boobie tattoos.  I'm sure this summer will fly by.

So I've been blue today.  Looking forward to a good night sleep.

"Change is the rule of life, nothing stays the same forever, everything will change, so accept this and enjoy the journey." -Spiritual Truths

Yeah, OK.....

Janeen